Stop saying we look alike! (ft Nico di Angelo)
by Kkthekoolone
Summary: Nico and Keith do not like being compared.


A wild Nico appears, standing in front of a strange purple plant, in a room that seemed to glow blue. With a look of extreme sadness and regret in his eyes, he started talking.

"For about a year now, people have been saying that I look like Keith Kogane."

Keith stood in a dark corner, with a grimace on his face.

"For years now, people have been saying that I look like Nico di Angelo, that I'm the space version of him."

Nico spoke again, wearing his dark aviators jacket, with his sword at his side.

"I-It's really hurtful because I feel like Keith sometimes is just the better-looking version of me."

Keith was wearing his red jacket, and still frowning as he said,

"He has better hair (although that's not hard to achieve, mullet), he has such a perfect face shape (no homo tho)."

Nico gestured wildly as he continued to speak.

"I mean you see his eyes, what are- how can you even have purple eyes?"

"He has the most perfect smile." The red paladin attempted to smile, but his frown quickly returned.

"His eyes, they're just like these-these beautiful pools." Nico was all homo on this day.

"He has better looking, darker clothes than me, it looks like he's the perfect MySpace emo, I so totally would have followed him. He's so perfect!" Keith got terrifying flashbacks to the days when Shiro would walk in, and see him trying to straightened his hair, and balancing an old laptop on a stack of books.

"I Google him and I just look and I get lost for, like, hours. I look in the mirror, I see, you know, freaking Shrek. Honestly" Nico sighed, and stared off into space, literally.

"I started wearing red just so people would stop comparing me to Nico." Keith glared at the camera.

"Keith starts wearing bright colors and then everyone's sad and I'm like, 'Finally, I own this.'" Nico looked down in shame.

"And then what does he do?" Keith asked, getting mad.

"Eventually, I got a sunny boyfriend who made me wear bright colors, and maybe, I kinda liked it." Nico said me getting defensive.

"And now everyone compares us again." Keith whined.

"I want it to stop. I want people to see that we are not the same. We don't look the same." Nico mumbled

"So please." Keith said, looking up.

"So please." Nico copied.

"Don't say we look like each other anymore." Keith said as seriously as possible.

"Don't say we look like each other." Nico said, dead serious.

"Because we don't." Keith said in frustration.

"Because we don't." Nico said firmly.

"But just to prove how different we really look… Today, we're going to try to look like each other to show how difficult it really is for us to be like each other.

You ready?" Keith stood up, and walked to where Nico stood in front of the alien plant.

"Let's do this." Nico said, looking Keith up and down.

"Jesus Christ your hair is long." He muttered

"No, you're going to need to make a rope someday, and you are going to freaking die, Nico. Not my problem." Keith said, as that was a situation people regularly got into.

Morning Routine

"You want to learn to be like me?" Nico asked.

Both were standing in front of a large mirror.

"Yeah, yeah." Keith said, anxious to get this over with, even though they had just started.

"Okay well, you need to learn to feel like me, Keith." Nico replied.

"First thing I do every morning is one hundred push-ups." Nico and Keith stood outside, with the castle looming behind them as Keith tried to learn Nico a new thing.

"A hundred what?" Nico asked, confused.

"A hundred push-ups." Keith replied.

"The Hades is a-"

"You push up." Keith said, cutting him off.

"You look at yourself in the eye and you admit the truth about our terrible world." Nico instructed, standing behind Keith.

"It's an exercise." Keith said.

"What the frick is an exercise?" Nico was genuinely confused

"Sorry, no." Keith said, and he started to walk off before Pidge glared at him.

"Everyone in the universe is going to die eventually." Keith said this with no conviction, at all.

"Okay, no." Nico said, shaking his head. (hey that rhymed)

"I need to feel good about myself by making my body look good so that I feel like I'm worthy in life." Keith informed Nico of this, as he demonstrated a push-up for the son of Hades.

"Everyone's gonna die horribly, because of you." Nico said to Keith.

Keith frowned.

"Lift this leg." Keith said, grabbing nicks leg to attempt to put him in the push-up position.

"Oh, like Mrs. O'Leary peeing." Nico said with conviction, and he lifted his leg up.

"No no no no-" Keith groaned, horrified at how someone could be so oblivious.

"Zarkon is killing everyone. We're all going to burn to death-" Keith said, staring into the mirror, with bpnico standing encouragingly behind him.

"Down, down. Yes- no, come on! No no no, you can- Come on!" Keith watched as Nico lifted himself up, then fell on his face.

"Did I do it?" Nico asked hopefully.

"There's no point on trying. Lance will never notice me!" Keith ranted to the mirror.

"No!" Keith sighed.

"Was that- Was that-" Nicos excitement showed on his face, at the thought that he had done it.

"Nico, Nico, come on, no you have to- No." Keith muttered trailing off.

"I did the exercise!" Nico yelled, almost smiling.

"I am a worthless paladin!" Keith monologued.

"Yes!" Nico said, pumping his fist in the air.

"I do not deserve love!" Keith continued, starting to understand.

"Come on you just-" Keith encouraged.

"This is to hard-" Nico groaned.

"You didn't even do one!"

"Be patient!"

"My people skills are terrible, everyone knows I'm terrified!" Keith yelled, nodding to himself while Nico watched with pride.

"Ohmygods it's happening, it's happening!" Nico yelped as he pushed himself up, slowly, with his arms.

"Yes! You did one!" Keith cheered.

"OH SCHIST!" Nico cursed as he fell on his face.

"I don't think this is working." Nico ranted.

"Why? What do you mean? Give me some more directions!" Keith said. He was sure he had been doing a great job of dissing himself.

"I am asking you-" Nico said, counting on his fingers for some reason.

"What is this thing?" Nico asked, grabbing his upper arm.

"This is your arm." Keith explained.

"But it's hurting when I push-" Nico said in confusion.

"This is a muscle." Keith said p, trying to get the idea into Nicos head.

"A what?"

"A muscle."

"What are you on about, Keith?"

"A muscle."

"I-I don't know why people say it, we're nothing alike." Nico continued to rant.

"Okay- okay." Keith said in agreement.

"I don't know what this is. This is the first time I've ever done an exercise." Nico said in bewilderment.

"You- You're not Nico di Angelo." Nico said, as Keith couldn't even make himself cry just by looking in the mirror, as Nico could.

"I want to stop. I can't do this. I'm sorry." Nico said, pain evident on his face from an exercise.

Diet

"The floor in my cabin is one of the most important locations in my life." Nico said, gesturing to the floor of Keith's room.

"Okay. Is this where you sit?" Keith asked, confused.

"Every day I eat a full bowl of space goo." They stood in the kitchen, with a full bowl of green goo on the counter.

"Space- goo?" Nico asked, wrinkling his nose

"It's an Altean meal." Keith explained.

"Meal? Like Happy Meal? I know those!" Nico said, a look of relief on his face.

"Meals, yes!" Keith said, in an attempt to be encouraging.

"Whenever you think about your crush, I want you to take a marshmallow and just put it in your mouth." Nico handed Keith a full bag of marshmallows, which he looked at with confusion.

"This is how you become confident!" Keith said, gesturing to the goo.

"This is weird." Nico decided.

"All, of your fantasies, all of your fears." Nico said, and he watched Keith put a marshmallow in his mouth with satisfaction.

"There, yes. There you go." Keith encouraged as Nico put a spoon full of space goo in his mouth.

"Like an embarrassing thing you said-" Nici started, before Keith interrupted him.

"He complimented my eyes, and I said, 'Neat.'" Keith started stuffing the marshmallows in his mouth at an alarming rate.

"Get, do it, do it!" Nico encouraged.

"Keep it going, keep it going!" Keith said, gesturing for Nico to continue to eat the space goo.

"Make yourself feel good." He continued, as Nico struggled to put the food in his mouth.

"I have high self esteem for a son of Hades." Nico declared.

"Yes! Wait-" If this was high self esteem, Keith fund not want to see what low self esteem looked like.

"I'm so healthy! I did an exercise!" Nico cheered.

"Did you ever flirt with him?" Nico inquired.

"Yes."

"He said he didn't remember the bonding moment!" Keith started getting tears eyed.

"I haven't died yet!" Nico crowed, putting more goo in his mouth.

"That's right!" Keith said.

"I have a boyfriend!" Nico said triumphantly.

"Yeah!" Keith cheered, not paying attention.

"Will!"

"Just keep going!" Keith yelled, as Nico started to slow down.

"It's a bit much-" Nici said, trying to talk around a mouthful of food goo.

"Get it in your mouth, Keith, for Hades sake!" Nico decided after that that he really needed to think before he spoke.

"I can't have anymore, I cant!" Nico cried as he shakily attempted to put more go in his mouth.

"Chew, chew, chew!" Nico cheered as Keith ate the last marshmallow.

"Eat up!" Keith said cheerfully.

"Keith no!" Nico was force fed the last of the goo.

"I do this for six hours everyday, Keith!" Nico said, kneeling next to a sobbing Keith.

Tears streamed down Nicos face as the effort of eating anything that was mildly healthy got to him.

Keith yelled incomprehensible, his mouth full of white fluff.

"How will you ever catch up with me? For Hades sake!" Nico ranted, before walking away.

"I think this is what not McDonald's is." Nico sobbed.

"This is never going to work." Keith mumbled.

"Can we do something else?" Nico begged

"We'll do something else."

"Have you got any fries?

I need a moment."

"Okay, okay." Keith said calmingly.

Nico walked into the hallway, and screamed for a solid minute, before his sobs could be heard.

"I don't know what goo is!

So I'm scared.

I want to go back to McDonald's, where they don't have space goo." He mumbled through the tears.

Hair (oh god)

"Alright, so now you need to not brush your hair." Keith said, gesturing to Nico's perfectly tame hair.

"What's wrong with my hair now?" Nico questioned.

"What you need to go for is like, not eighties hair." Nico lectured Keith as he tried to brush through the mess.

"Okay." Keith grimaced in pain as the brush got caught in his mass of hair.

"Start by making your hair fluffy, like that. Okay, a little bit more than that.

Okay, no no no- you know what, that's pretty good." Keith said, as Nico messed up his hair with his fingers.

"This is what happens when I don't brush my hair!" Nico groaned as his hair poofed up, and became a wild mess.

"So it can be mistaken for not emo hair, but people don't know that." Nico said while arranging Keith's hair.

"Uh-huh.

I'm doing my best here! This is hard!" Keith said, as Nico's hair became a bigger mess.

"I've never seen it like this." Nico muttered.

This is like teaching Lance how to pilot the red lion, okay?"

"So it's like an emo fringe, but without the coolness of an emo fringe, so you just look weird." Nico said, looking with disapproval at Keith's hair.

"Like this?" Keith asked, but his hair looked the same.

"I've never brushed my hair backwards, we didn't do this in the forties." Nico confessed, as he ran a brush backwards through his hair to make it poofier.

"You've never- what?

Just a bit more." Keith said in confusion, before trying to salvage the mess that was the emo's hair.

"Yeah." Nico said.

"Do it in the front.

Just be like, I was an orphan in the middle of the dessert, I am cooler than you." Keith said, trying a new route.

"I am a sad orphan-" Nico started.

"No! No, no, no." Keith was not just a sad orphan, he was a cool desert child.

"What?" Keith asked, as his hair failed to look any different.

"I don't know, it's just not cooperating in the way we need it not cooperate right now.

I mean- are you trying to make fun of me?" Nico glared at Keith's hair, which still looked flawless and beautiful.

"I am a cool orphan!" Nico said, although he could never technically be an orphan because his dad was immortal.

"Yes!"

"Like Jason Todd!"

"Yes- wait."

"Nico, I'm doing my best here! I can't just change my hair type!" Keith yelled, staring sadly into the mirror.

"I feel like you're making fun of me."

"I'm not-"

"You're like, 'I'm Keith, and even with a haircut that died twenty years ago, I still get hot Cubans swooning over me, but I'm too oblivious to notice.''' Nico mocked.

"I. Am. A." Nico said slowly.

"Okay, that's-"

"Confident." He continued.

"Yes!"

"Loner." He added.

"Yeah, lone wolf." Keith said, proud that his work has paid off.

"Orphan. Have I done it?" Nico asked, looking hopefully at Keith.

"Yes!" Keith cheered.

"Do you like making me sad?" Nico asked, seriously.

"I don't want to look like I'm from the eighties." Keith mumbled.

"Oh, boo hoo. I'm Keith and I have a great face and my hair works whenever. What a joke!"

"I'M TRYING MY BEST!"

"Looks great.

Good job Nico." Keith said as he admired Nico's… Amazing hair in the mirror.

"This is the best day of my life.

I have cool hair!" Nico grinned.

"I wanna do my hair like Nico, then you try and mess it up and it just looks good!

I can't. I can't deal wraith this. I shouldn't have to work in these conditions. I'm sorry.

I just won't sit here being mocked.

I'm done." Nico walked out, leaving Keith to stare sadly at his hair.

Clothes

"Oh my god! Oh my god, this is- Wow." Keith admired Nico's jacket on him, although it was a bit large.

"Nico?" He called into the bathroom.

"I don't want to came out!" Nico groaned.

"You already did! You canonically have a boyfriend!"

"Not like that!"

"Nico, come on." Keith encouraged.

"No!"

"Nico, come on!"

"It feels wrong!"

"Open it. Come on. You're good. Oh wow, you look… Great.

Yeah… You look great!" Keith was looking at Nico, wearing his crop top jacket, without a shirt on under it.

"I can't- what is the point?" Nico looked extremely confused.

"You look great." Keith encouraged.

"I don't look great." Nico said, shaking his head.

"It's a good look!"

"I look like a depressed pilot." Keith said, upon seeing himself in a mirror.

"I'm really struggling to see the point right now." Nico said, still infinitely confused by this jacket.

"I feel like I'm swimming. In. Darkness." Keith said, moving the large sleeves of Nico's jacket around.

"It's, my biggest question in life now. Literally, I will never understand this. I will be buried with this mystery." Nico said, staring at his exposed midriff.

"How do I look?" Keith asked, trying to distract Nico.

"You don't look nearly depressed enough.

You might drown in that. Are you okay?

It just doesn't work. I'm sorry.

Can we, like, get this over with now or something? I'm tired of being humiliated."

 **All credits for this go to Rick Riordan, Dreamworks, Anthony Padilla, and Daniel Howell.**

 **It's awkward sounding because I wrote the dialogue first. Note to self: Don't ever do that again.**


End file.
